


Normal People

by Gaia_bing



Category: Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Avengers 4 speculation, Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie) Compliant, Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie) Spoilers, But also, Doctor Bucky Barnes, Drama, Established Relationship, Five Stages of Grief, Grief Counselor Steve Rogers, Grief/Mourning, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Married Life, Not Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie) Compliant, Post-Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie), Post-Serum Steve Rogers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-04
Updated: 2018-06-19
Packaged: 2019-05-01 21:16:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 6,548
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14529348
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gaia_bing/pseuds/Gaia_bing
Summary: Sure, things had gone awfully wrong and now the heroes were facing unforeseen consequences...But what about the rest of the planet, those that *didn't* have superpowers? How did what happened affected *them*?This is the story of one of those people.





	1. At the session

**Author's Note:**

> So, yeah, I'm doing another Infinity Wars-themed story, but this time from a different point of view. Hope you guys like it. :)
> 
> Also, it contains some major spoilers for the movie and some stuff that I've read about that might happen in Avengers 4. Read at your own risk. :)

**Somewhere in New York City, inside a gym...**

  
Six people were sitting on plastic chairs in the middle of the room, each holding picture frames in their hands. A seventh one, on the other hand, was holding a pad filled with paper sheets along with a wooden pencil.

  
"So, since we're a brand new group today, I thought it would be of interest that each of us took turn introducing ourselves by name and tell the rest of the group a little bit about the people that we've unfortunately lost five years ago today and that is represented by the picture that we've all brought with us. And then, one by one, we'll each go a little bit further further into our story and how the grief that came with the incident has affected our lives, so that I can get a good measure at where all of your heads and your hearts are at the moment." The man, a blond and bearded fellow, adjusted the glasses on top of his nose and finished his usual introductory spiel by an: "Alrighty, let's begin."

  
And one by one, the assembled strangers held up their cherished pictures of their cherishes lost ones...

  
"Hi, my name's Alannah, this right here's my brother Brent. He dissipated while were taking a walk in Central Park." a young red-haired woman said.

  
"Hello, I'm Herbert. My dear Rosaline dissipated right next to me while we were taking our daily tea on the porch just outside our house." an elderly man said with a slight sob in his voice, as if the incident had happened just yesterday and not a half-decade earlier.

  
A teary woman was next. She held up the picture of what looked like a row of babies inside a hospital ward as she explained: "Hey, um, the name's Sandy. My baby girl was taken from me just after I gave birth to her and this is the only picture that I had the time to get of her. She's the one near the edge over there." she closed her eyes for a second, her voice becoming pained as she whispered: "To think that I didn't even had the time to name her before that bastard did this..."

  
The counselor took a moment out of taking notes and gently put a consoling hand onto the poor woman's back.

  
"Hey, it's going to be alright Sandy. Don't worry, we're all here with you just like you're here with all of us." he said. To which all of the congregated men and women in the room nodded along.

  
But, in a bit of still-left rage at the situation, Sandy wouldn't hear none of the grief counselor's probably empty words. "Oh, please! Like you could talk! I'll bet that that you're one of the those damn lucky one whose family was somehow entirely spared by what happened!" she snapped as she batted away his probably only professional and fake attempt at sympathy.

  
"Hey now! Be a bit more respectful! That's Steve Rogers you're talking to over here!" a black woman, who the group would later learn was named Krystel and who'd lost her father to the incident, called out from Sandy's left.

  
This made Sandy shrink about five sizes in her chair. "Oh, um, Mr. Rogers, I'm deeply sorry, I didn't know..." the poor woman started, but the man in question simply quirked up a lip and raised a hand to stop her as he said:

  
"Oh, it's alright, really. I've seen that kind of reaction coming from a lot of people towards a lot of other people over the years, don't worry. And of course, even from me."

  
And, picking up something from underneath his stack of noted papers, the grief counselor that had been attributed this group on the fifth anniversary of what the entire world had entitled "The Dissipation", held up the small picture that he'd always carried wherever he went and formally introduced himself.

  
"Hi, I'm Steve and this right here is my husband, James, but everyone liked to call him Bucky..."


	2. Before

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It was a nice, ordinary night...

**Five years earlier...**

  
_"Look, you cannot look me in the eye and tell me that if these had been bad just a bunch of lunatics going around shooting people at random and making buildings blow up like that, you'd be sitting right here, on this stage, defending them. Just because they're wearing a mask or some kind of dilly-dolly costume and call themselves "heroes" then they automatically get a pass? No! They have to be made accountable for their actions just like anyone else that does some kind of damage somewhere, whether it's on the material or the human kind! Those that went beyond the limits of the law must be brought in and judged like any criminals! This is why our correctional system exists!"_

  
_"And I'm saying we've been going around and around on this particular topic ever since the Accords were installed. When was it...two years ago? Things have changed a lot since they were brought up: the world has changed, the politics have changed and the most important one, society has changed. Those "Secret Avengers", that we pretty much kicked out of their home country because we were just a bunch of cowards who had our blinders screwed way too tight for some reason that day, should be welcomed back with opened arms and without ramifications. They did what needed to be done to save the day! Just like the old saying goes: you just can't walk on eggs without breaking a couple of them."_

  
_"Oh please!..."_

  
It was late, around 11PM, when Steve heard the familiar sound of juggling keys and a set of footsteps walk through the front door. Turning his head towards the incoming sound, he smiled when he spotted his husband coming in the livingroom where he'd been absentmindedly reviewing some notes, all the while having left the TV as some background noise to keep him company.

  
"Hey." he greeted with as much of a tender voice than a smile as the sight of his husband. His beautiful, amazing, also-smiling, also-tired looking husband Bucky.

  
"Hey." he responded, stretching a bit just after dropping his backpack onto one of their kitchen chair. Steve immediately scooted over to give him some room on their couch.

  
"So, was it as bad as you thought it'd be?" Steve asked, closing out his psychology book and taking his sighing husband into his arms instead.

  
"Oh lord, it was even worse." Bucky groaned as he closed his eyes and enjoyed the first moment of peace he'd had for along while against his husband's inviting lap. "The first part was easy, just had to check for answers, so that cram session really helped out. But then, _god_ , those development questions were just a **bitch**. I'll tell you what, if it hadn't been for some slow-poke in the back, I'd been the last one to get out of that stupid room, that's for sure."

  
Steve gave his now-husband of four months a sympathetic smile as well was a pat of the same sentiment on the top of his head as he reassuringly said. "Yeah, well, at least you can finally say that that this was the last one and you don't have to worry about which bone goes with which bone and what side effects does penicillin give out to allergic people, at least until the results gets brought in. You can consider yourself lucky."

  
Now it was Bucky's turn to give his husband a sympathetic smile as he sat back up. "Crap and here I am bitching about my exam when I'm cutting away some of your reviewing time yakking it off and demanding all of your attention like that." he exclaimed in an apologetic tone.

  
He was about to get up, to maybe get himself a sandwich or something of the like, when Steve yanked him back right into his lap, making the long-haired man yelp in surprise and chuckle in joy when Steve turned his face with his unhugging hand and said: "Hey, now, what did we agree on when we said our wedding vows?"

  
Bucky leaned a bit into the touch of his former school-yard friend, now his forever love and replied like a child reciting a well-learned lesson: "That we as a couple will always come first, the rest of the world will always come second."

  
Steve nodded and grinned as he gave his husband a slight peck on the lips. "So, my finals only start in three days, I've got plenty of times to review everything from top to bottom one more time if I have too. Yours just finished, so..." he let the sentence hang in the air as he grin turned predatory, twirling a strand of his lover's luscious hair around and around with a finger in a slowly fashion.

  
Bucky was the one grinning now. "Quality husbando time?" he asked, wiggling his eyebrows enticingly as he wrapped his arms around his lover's neck.

  
Steve wiggled his eyebrows back when he felt a pair of thighs wrap themselves around his waist. "Quality husbando time, indeed."

  
************

  
"Wow." breathed out Steve, staring at the ceiling of the bedroom.

  
"Yeah, I was about to say." replied Bucky next to him, staring at the same ceiling as he was.

  
The blond man turned his head to look at his bed and bare companion and asked in curiosity. "That thing that you did...with the leg and your hand..."

  
Bucky could only shrug his shoulders as he replied: "I dunno, inspiration got to me and I told myself: "Just go with it and see what happens afterwards."."

  
Steve nodded, still with a look of pure awe on his face he turned his head forward once more. "Yeah, well, keep getting inspired because that...that is an entry into the "Best Stuff Hall of Fame" for sure."

  
Now it was Bucky's turn to move his head. "Really?" he asked with a last pant of breath and a growing smile.

  
Steve also turned his head to look at the other man in the eye, his breathing and heart-rate also coming back to normal as he exclaimed with a smirk of his own. "Really."

  
And Bucky couldn't help himself, he reached over and slowly kissed his husband, the love of his life, his best friend.

That Steve greedily replied to, before breaking away with a loud smack and, running his fingers through his love's now sweaty hair, he asked: "Hey, I was wondering, since tomorrow we've both got off from school and stuff, how about we both sleep really, really late into the morning, go to that brunch place that you like and then afterwards..." 

"Another round of husbando quality time?" asked Bucky as his chin against his husband's chest. 

"Well, yeah, certainly that is going to be included in the plans, but...if you have any other ideas..." replied Steve with a slight laugh.

  
"Hmm..." Bucky pondered as his laid his head back down and closed his eyes. "We could go get some shopping done. I know you've been dying to get a new watch since your old's one broken and when I got home earlier tonight, there was a big sign that said that the new tech place that you wanted to check out is in fact having its big opening tomorrow. So, hello, bargain city!"

  
Steve nodded, continuing to run his fingers through his husband's hair as he added: "And for dinner, we could get some meat and finally get the BBQ going since the snow and the cold have finally cleared out. It'd be a great way to celebrate...Bucky? Buck?"

  
The only sound that was emanating from his husband were low and deep snores, making Steve silently shake his head and bring the discarded sheets over the both of them.

  
He kissed the top of his love's head and closed his eyes, tiredness getting to him also.

  
They'd have plenty of time to talk further tomorrow.   
  



	3. During

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Funny how some things that had become so trivial...
> 
> Suddenly aren't so anymore.

It was the sun that Steve would remember most about this particular day.

  
Well, not at first, as when he and Bucky had finally made it out of bed and out the door when their bedside clock stroke 12PM, a veil of clouds was covering the city.

  
And somehow, it still wasn't as thick as the veil of murmurs that had already begun to spread as they took their seat on their favorite terrace, onlooking the Brooklyn Bridge:

  
_"Did you see that thing descend from the sky? It was like a mini-version of Independence Day!"_

 

_"Who the fuck were those things? What the hell did they want?"_

  
_"Oh. My. God, did you see the way Tony Stark's suit came on him like that? That was so hot!"_

_"How can you think of things like that?! There might be people hurt during that battle, or even worse!"_

  
_"You know, this might finally be the thing that brings the Avengers back together after all this time...I don't know about you, but I'm just sayin'..."_

  
_"What? A two, three creatures problem? As if! At this rate, it'd take the whole world exploding to get these sons-of-bitches to look out of their asses and resolve whatever problems they've got going on..."_

  
Bucky looked around, raising his eyebrows and his mouth in a thin line just as their meals finally arrived. "It looks like we missed quite the show this morning." he whispered to his husband.

  
Steve dog-piled a couple of breakfast potatoes and responded with his mouth still half-full: "Yeah, it probably was why they had this huge perimeter set up and everything is closed off from here to Central Park."

  
The long-haired man wiggled his eyebrows once more as a way to nod and tilted his head to the side as he looked down to his plate. "Well, hopefully, somehow The Avengers get their things together and they get rid of whatever's going on. Some people have got some shopping to do in that particular closed-up area!" he exclaimed while waving his own fork into the air, before taking a huge stab at a succulent-looking sausage.

If it sounded like everyone took what had probably been an outwordly battle so trivially, it because it really was. 

The Chitauri thing, Sokovia and now this, inside a world where gods wedged electric hammers and flew around while other could go through different realities at the wave of their arms...

Well, everyone understood why they were happening and as long as the Avengers were around, they really had nothing to worry about. 

  
"Yeah. But don't worry, following their track records, I'm pretty sure those yellow ribbons are going to be up by the time we come back from the market and the evening comes along. We'll go shopping then, that's all." Steve said with a reassuring smile and pat on the arm of his husband.

  
Bucky shared a smile with him, interlocking their fingers together for an second or two as he said: "Yeah, and hopefully the sun's going to finally peak out by then and it doesn't start raining. After all, you and I've got a date with some grade A pork and asparagus when we go back home."

  
"Yeah..." was all Steve responded with, as their fingers finally separated and the couple occupied themselves at golfing down the rest of their respective meals.

  
If Steve...if Steve had known what would end up happening later on that day, he would have done things quite differently in that moment...

  
He would have held on to Bucky's hand for more than a couple of instants, that was for sure,

  
He would have probably pushed his plate away, hell he would have pushed the entire table away and he would have gathered his husband into both of his arms and he would have said...

  
_God_ , he would have said...

  
"I love you."  
"I'm so sorry."  
"I love you."  
**"God** , Bucky."  
"I love you."  
"I love you."  
"I love you."

  
But, unfortunately, time and reality doesn't work like that. You can't go back and rework things to your advantage, you can't go back and reword the things that you would have said, that you _should_ have said, if you'd known what was about to happen to your little corner of happiness...

  
To your life...

  
To pretty much everyone's life...

  
************

  
The clouds were thinning a little bit when they finally got out of the market and into the cab that was supposed to bring them to their next destination, the shopping mall.

  
Emphasis on the word... **supposed**.

  
Things...things were happening in front of them.

  
At first, thinking just like the couple in the backseat, the driver of the cab impatiently beeped at the unmoving car...

  
At the unmoving car **s** in front of them, not wanting to get into yet another good-old New York hold-up.

  
The beeping didn't let up for at least five minutes, before Steve raised his hand and was about to call out to the driver to stop that freakin' noise and loosen up a bit when...

  
While turning his head to said driver...

  
"Buck?"  
_"...Yeah?"_

  
Steve noticed that the beeping had suddenly stopped and on top of that...

  
"Why...why is there nobody in the driver seat right now?"  
_"I...I don't know."_

  
Perching over, it was then that Steve noticed it...

 

Ashes.

  
A pile of ashes had somehow replaced the man that had been driving them through town for a good twenty minutes now...

  
_"Steve?"_

  
And whisking his head around, it was then that Steve noticed the other thing...

  
Bucky looking at his hand like it was the first time that he was noticing it...

 

His hand...

  
As well as the rest of his body...

  
Dissipating in front of his husband's now panic-stricken eyes.

  
Before next to him, instead of what had been his main source of joy,

  
Of camaraderie,

  
Of happiness,

  
Of **_everything_** ,

  
Laid just a small pile of grey matter, of dry-looking embers,

  
A pile of ashes, just like what had been in front of _them_ beforehand and was floating all around _him_ just now.

  
And suddenly, almost mockingly,

  
It was then that the sun finally decided to show itself from underneath the grey cover that had inhabited the sky all throughout the day.

  
Yeah, it definitely was the sun that Steve would remember the most about that particular moment...

  
As one lonesome ray shone through the cab window,

  
And landed right on top of where Bucky Barnes had once been.


	4. Denial

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The action of declaring something to be untrue.

What in the...?

  
Who in the...?

  
How in the...?

  
Those were the questions that circled inside Steve's mind as he witnessed everything going on around him.

  
He looked at the clock at the front of the cab: 6PM.

  
He looked outside the windows:

  
Cries, shrieks, screams and everything in between.

  
People going around, confused, scared, bewildered by what was going on around them...

  
And to them.

  
So many of them, one second there...

  
And then the next, just...

  
_Not_.

  
Not.

  
Not.

  
Not...

  
Not- _hing_.

  
Nothing.

  
Nothing had happened.

  
Everything...

  
**Everything** was _fine_.

  
Bucky? Oh, Bucky was fine, thank you for asking! He had gotten out of the cab after getting frustrated and had told his husband that he'd go and get Steve's brand new watch himself at the store and suggested to his husband to take a leisure walk back home while he was busy with his errand.

  
Which he was doing right now, like the good little husband that he was.

  
...That he'd always been...

  
Yeah, Bucky would be waiting for him when he got back home, a smile on his face and a package inside his arms.

  
Like the good little husband that he was.

  
....That he'd always been...

 

Steve slightly gasped as he looked at the grand clock he'd just staggered by...

  
11PM.

  
Oh dear, had his leisure walk really lasted over five hours? Silly him, Bucky would just have a fit when he finally returned home!

  
But Steve smiled to himself, he just knew the remedy to Bucky-related fits: hugs and kisses!

  
And Bucky would absolutely have the biggest set of hugs and kisses that he'd ever received once he'd get back home. Yes siree!

  
And, smile still plastered to his face, Steve turned his whole body around and actually made his way back home. Not registering the sirens, the still-crying crowds of people.

  
Registering absolutely **nothing**.

  
************

  
It was at about 3AM that Steve, out of breath and his feet sore to the point of almost bleeding, gingerly opened the door to their...

  
... ~~his~~...

  
No, _their_ apartment.

  
And stepped inside.

  
"Buck?" he weakly called out. "Hon? 'Sorry I'm so late. 'Turns out my leisure walk took more time than I thought."

  
He slumped down on a nearby chair with a thud and looked straight ahead.

 

No response.

  
"Do you...do you think we still can fry those asparagus and that pork even if it's not on the BBQ? Or do you want to wait until tomorrow before my reviewing session at the library?" he once again called out.

  
Still nothing.

  
He sighed.

  
He looked once again at the clock...

  
9AM.

  
Oh? Had he been sitting on that chair for six hours straight? He hadn't noticed.

  
Maybe he should take a shower,

  
He must...he must really stink.

  
He should also probably get to bed...he had a reviewing session to get to later on that night.

  
Yeah, bed...a great idea.

  
And so Steve went to his...

  
~~Their~~...

  
No... _His_ bedroom,

  
Laid down,

  
And stayed there for over three months.


	5. Depression

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A mental condition characterized by feelings of severe despondency and dejection, typically also with feelings of inadequacy and guilt, often accompanied by lack of energy and disturbance of appetite and sleep.

Outside, everyone and everything that was still there somehow tried to pick itself back up at best as it could.

  
Speeches, memorials and testimonies from all over the world came pouring in...

  
But Steve didn't listen to any of them.

  
Vigils, tributes, half-masts could be seen everywhere...

  
But Steve didn't see any of them.

  
Because if Steve Rogers had been just been a shadow of himself when he'd walked in the door the night everything had happened, now...

  
_Now_...

  
That shadow had shrunken down to a dangerously thin line.

  
Because Steve...

  
Steve had just _stopped_.

  
Stopped going to school,

  
Stopped taking care of himself,

  
Only ate when his stomach rebelled against him,

  
Only took care of business when his bladder felt like a ticking time-bomb,

  
But all-in-all, in those three months,

  
Steve Rogers just stopped living.

  
Because really...

What the fuck was the use?

  
Without Bucky by his side, what was the use for anything?

  
And did we forget to mention that Steve had also stopped sleeping?

Around and around his thoughts went, and around and around and around his whole body rolled all throughout the night, only getting the strict minimum of rest necessary that it could when it was on the verge of completely breaking down.

But still, even during the few hours of sleep that he could get, all those question kept on coming...

  
What was he supposed to do?

Why in the world did something like this happened?

  
And, the one question that topped all the others that circled through his mind and that kept him awake for long, excruciating hours throughout the days and throughout the nights and even in his dreams...

  
Why in hell couldn't it have been _him_?

  
*************

  
It was an accident that broke Steve out of his three-months mindless state.

  
Well, actually, now that he rethought about it, fate most probably had a small role to play with it all.

  
Because one day, just as the last ray of sun peeking through the windows sills promised him yet another sleepless night, he rolled over to close his eyes and protect himself against a world that dared to go on without James Buchanan Barnes in it, when his hipbone collided with the TV remote that he had absolutely forgot he'd put by the corner of the mattress...

And the next thing he knew, a female blared through the suffocating silence of the apartment, announcing:

  
_"And here we have famed inventor and philanthropist Tony Stark, arriving to his wedding reception with his lovely bride, Pepper Potts right here, at the Ritz Carlton Hotel. The couple looks absolutely enchanting and more in love than they've ever been..."_

  
But Steve didn't hear the rest of the report, as inside, he found himself fuming,

  
Absolutely **boiling**.

  
Tony Stark, the man that proudly wore the Iron Man suit, one of the people that were at least half-responsible for what had happened to Bucky, hell to everybody, (the other half being the one that had snapped his fingers like it was nothing) had the gall to get married, right when the rest of the world was in the middle of grieving?

  
How...how dare _he_?

  
Fists clenched tightly together, Steve Rogers felt a brand new resolve as for the first time in almost twelve weeks, he stood up from his bed, seeing red and only one thing on his mind:

  
He and the bastard that helped make Bucky go away were going to have some words.

  
...but not before he gathered some liquid courage to do it.


	6. Anger

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A strong feeling of annoyance, displeasure, or hostility.

It definitely was a glitzy-glamoury looking thing that was for sure, Steve thought to himself as he walked, or should we say stumbled, his way towards the large building.

  
Yeah, buying and downing a whole flask of whiskey at the drugstore down the street in only an hour was probably going to do so some damage to the blond's way of thinking and definitely did some damage on his way of moving.

  
Oh...oh boy, he was going to throw up right there if the world didn't stop spinning like that.

  
But, he had to go ahead, despite his need to lay down on the ground and sleep right there and then. He had...he had words to exchange with one Tony Stark.

  
He needed...to tell him...what was wrong with him.

  
Because of him...Buck-Bucky-Bucko was dead....

  
Wasn't coming back...

  
And it was all his damn fault.

  
And, oopsie-daisy, would you look at that?

  
One moment the man himself was standing on the outside patio, smoke coming out of his mouth, and the next thing, he was laying on the grass, blood now coming out of his mouth.

  
The same kind of blood that now painted the joints of Steve's right hand.

  
Wait...how on Earth did that get there?

  
"H-hey! Who in the hell are-?" asked Tony, holding the side of his face and trying to get back up as best as he could.

  
Security was on the intruder in a mili-second. Who looked to be highly-inebriated. Mumbling words like: "Bugy's gone! Ow dareyoooo be happppee?!? You sonofason-son of-son of a hitch?!? Evry-Verybody dead because of you, you stpid bast..."

  
And he would have probably finished his sentence, if the stranger hadn't doubled over...

  
And properly threw up all over Tony Stark's 5,000$-worth black wedding shoes.

  
*************

  
_"...rise and shine, sweetheart."_ called out a woman to Steve's left, making him wince.

  
Oh, god...what in the world happened last night?

  
Why was his head throbbing like that? Why was the world spinning so fast?

  
And why was his bed so goddamn hard?

  
Trying to comprehend what was going on, the blond gingerly opened his eyes and found himself face-to-face with...

  
...Bars?

  
The woman, who he later found out was the main warden of the place, leaned against said thin steel poles as she said with a chuckle: "You did quite the stunt last night, I'll tell you that."

  
Stunt? What in the world was she talking about?

  
Like she was reading his thoughts, the blue-wearing woman opened up the small TV that was standing in the upper corner of the large room and Steve sat there, completely stunned,

  
As his bouffoneries from the night before all came back to him just as the reporter recounted them to the whole world.

  
"Oh...oh _dear_." was all he could say.

  
"Yeah, you're famous now buddy, congratulations." said a voice to his right.

  
Steve turned around and he frowned at the man sitting in the corner of the jail cell, arms crossed, head tilted.

  
"Well, to tell you the truth, I'm pretty sure you did the one thing we've all been dying to these Avengers-shits for all the trouble they've cost and I've got to command you for that." said another man, sitting at the opposite corner of the room.

  
Steve glanced at both men, before properly sitting and exclaiming: "I never wanted any of that to happen!"

  
The man to his right came closer to him and sitting next to his make-shift bed, tapped him on the shoulder as he asked the one question that finally...

  
Finally...

  
Opened up his gates.

  
"Well then son, drinking like that, going over to the hotel where Tony Stark was having his wedding reception and then punch straight in the jaw like that, what _did_ you want to happen?"

  
Steve looked at the cement ground.

  
What did he want to happen...

  
He...he didn't know.

  
He barely didn't know anything anymore.

  
"I wanted..." he started.

  
"I wanted..."

  
He felt a single drop of water fall on the top of his bruised hand.

  
"I wanted Bucky to come back."

  
He tried to stop the oncoming tears, he really, _really_ did...

  
But they wouldn't stop coming. Three months worth of repressed pain and lonesome suffering finally coming out in cascades.

  
The other man in the cell joined the duo as he reassuringly said: "Hey, it's okay bud. I was with my wife when everything happened and just like you, I would do anything to get her back."

  
Sniffling after what seemed like an eternity, Steve finally looked up and just nodded in thanks.

  
The man with the hand on his shoulder smiled as he said: "Yeah, you're not alone in your grief, pal. Everybody's trying,

everybody's coping, but all alone, we all just end up suffering more. The least we can all do is maybe share a little bit of that grief with everybody else so that the weight doesn't seem so insurmountable, 'know what I mean?"

  
Steve nodded once more, looking at his two new friends: "Y-yeah, I think you're right...?"

  
Offering his hand, the man that had first joined him said with a smile: "Phil Coulson."

  
The other man also offered his hand as he said: "Leo Fitz."

  
***********

  
"And they were right, sharing your pain with everybody else _is_ in fact easier than keeping it all to yourself. That's why I reoriented myself in grief counseling, started these little groups and turned my life around. After posting my bail money, serving my community hours and apologizing a lot to Tony Stark, that is." Steve smiled as the last part of his story garnered a laugh.

  
Sandy, who'd finally calmed herself, was the next one to talk: "And now, how are you doing now?"

  
Steve looked at the ground and shrugged: "Well, I'm actually doing pretty good these days. I eat, I sleep, I go outside, I socialize and most of all, I help people by doing what I do. _And_ tomorrow night, I'm going to a speed-dating event organized by the "Tony Stark Dissipation Foundation", so there's that on top of everything."

  
Clapping his hands together, the professional in him decided to get the spotlight off himself and he declared: "Well then, enough about little ole' me...anybody else wanna go into details about what brought them here?"


	7. Bargaining

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> To negotiate the terms and conditions of a transaction.

He...he could do this.

  
That's what Steve kept telling himself as he looked into his bathroom mirror and adjusted his tie.

  
He took a deep breath when the clothed knot was finally straight.

  
This was a speed-dating event.

  
Just a casual...simple thing.

  
You go in, you sit there, you talk to someone for a minute and a half, a bell rings, you change seats and you begin anew.

 

That was all.

  
He was finally going to do it,

  
He was going to finally...

 

Find love...

 

...Again.

  
He could finally, properly move on...from Bucky.

  
After all, ever since that sobering morning in detention, he'd done so much research and so much study on grief that he practically knew the subject inside and out.

  
And that was not counting the hours upon hours of work that he'd submersed himself on the matter ever since he'd finally received his online degree...

  
So really, he was simply going to practice what he preached.

  
This would be a breeze.

  
He was finally going to replace the emptiness that Bucky had left...

  
By filling it with the help of somebody else.

  
**************

  
Oh...oh _**god**_.

  
He...he _couldn't_ do this.

  
He'd known that this was a bad idea from the get-go, from the moment he'd seen the ad on the net and on television.

  
But, he still went through it, because after all, he was a grief counselor now, he knew the subject inside and out now. So a little thing like getting over your spouse and dipping your toe inside the dating pool once again shouldn't been so harrowing...shouldn't been so daunting...

  
Shouldn't be so...wrong. 

  
But, the moment he found himself sitting there and a man...

  
A short-haired, dark-eyes man approached him and simply said: "Hi, I'm Mike."

  
Steve realized he just couldn't go through with this.

  
And it wasn't the other man's fault, it clearly wasn't.

  
It was just...

  
Steve heaved deep breaths as he finally stepped outside the restaurant where the event was being held.

  
How could he...?

  
How dare he...?

How did he thought...?

  
He wasn't...he wasn't ready at all.

  
He hadn't...he hadn't moved on at all.

  
Practice what you preach, my ass.

  
And sure, the pain had lessened and sure, time had passed, but really...

  
What in the hell was he doing?

  
Trying to trade Bucky for somebody else, even five years later, when the wound on his heart still hadn't completely healed and had simply been taped over with the pain of everybody else...

  
What in the world was he thinking?

  
He felt dizzy, he felt nauseous, oh god, was he going to throw up again?!

 

He felt confused, like the Earth was moving way too fast underneath his feet...

Again.

  
Wait...

 

Wait a minute...

 

It _was_ moving way too fast underneath his feet.

  
What in the...?

  
And, just as he began to feel like the world had suddenly gone off its axis, everything suddenly stopped and he felt the solid ground underneath him once again.

  
But that...that wasn't the priority at the top of his list at the moment, no.

  
Instead...it was what he was seeing:

  
... _People_.

  
People that he knew weren't there before.

  
Bodies of people on the pavement, on the street, everywhere.

  
Lightly stirring and then gingerly getting up, like they'd all been taking just a light nap and it was time to wake up,

  
Like it was time to come back.

  
Come... back...

  
Come...  _back?_

  
**_Comeback!_ **

  
Steve didn't hesitate for one more second:

  
He ran like he never ran before. 


	8. Acceptance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A person's assent to the reality of a situation.

It'd be the moon that Steve would never forget on this particular night as he ran and ran like a madman.

  
His eyes definitely weren't deceiving him...

  
People were embracing, shaking and crying in pure relief.

  
His ears weren't questionable either:

  
Cheers, sobs and everything in between.

  
He finally made it.

  
That street, the one that used to cause a sting in the middle of his chest whenever he came across it.

  
That spot, where the yellow-colored car had been forced to stop, because of what they'd initially thought had been a simple traffic problem, only to be the end of the world for so many people.

  
Two people were lying there. One in front of the other.

  
And Steve only had eyes for the one at the back.

 

Noticeably, the way the moon rays seemed to bounce off the top of his head, making his already-luscious hair shine like beacons into the night...

 

Calling him here,

Calling him now,

Calling him home.

  
_"B-B-Bucky?"_

Home stirred slightly and opened his eyes...

  
**"Hmm-Steve? Did you finally found out why there is dust where the cab driver used to be?"**

 

Later, much, much later, there would be:

  
Questions: **"What do you mean by five years!?"**

 

Answers: _"Apparently the Avengers did something with a bunch of stones and then poof! There you all were!"_

  
Apologies: _"Yeah, I might have tried a speed-dating thing just before you came back. But I didn't go through with it, I swear!"_

  
**"What? You thought I would be mad at you for trying to get over me? I would have done the same, you know."**

  
_"...What do you mean, done the same?!"_

  
And of course...

  
_"I love you, you know?"_

  
**"Yeah, I've always known that you did, Steve."**

  
_"Yeah, but from now on, every single moment that I can do it, I'm going to say it, just so that I'm 100% sure that you know that I do."_

  
**"...only if I can do it in return."**

  
_"Deal."_

  
But, for now:

  
_"Buck?"_

  
**"Yeah?"**

  
_"Let's go home. You and me have got a date with some grade A pork and some asparagus."_

  
**"Alright."**


	9. After

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> His story helped heal some people on one side, now it's time to help the other...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And there we go, surprise epilogue! Thanks to everybody who read/liked/everything else this story, it really meant a lot to me. :)

**Five months later, in an New York office...**

  
"...so one moment I'm eating at my favourite restaurant with my boyfriend, then the next I stumble out of my chair, not able to do anything else than lie there and watch my limbs just slowly disentagrate. Then the next thing I know, I'm back in one piece in the exact same place, it's five years later and the man who I thought loved me is proposing to our next door neighbor two tables over! I mean, really, who the hell does that?!" the woman sitting on the plastic chair said in exasperation.

Her brand-new regular psychiatrist gave her a sympathetic smile and patted her on the hand in reassurance.

  
"Look, Michelle, is it?" Steve Rogers asked his brand-new client as he checked his file one more time to get the name right.

  
The woman nodded and Steve continued:

  
"Right, Michelle, while for the people that were somehow involved into The Dissipation, it seems like only a fraction of a second has passed between one moment and the next, for the people that stayed over here, it was a whole lot longer. And people...people react a lot of different ways when a tragedy strike their life. Some people stay the exact same way, no matter how much time has passed, others struggle to make end or tails out of everything for years and years on end, while others...others just have to move on because otherwise they'll just end up losing themselves inside that tragedy and they'll be just as gone as their loved one or loved ones."

  
The curly-haired blond woman raised an eyebrow and crossed her arms together. "Really? And how in the world would _you_ know about any of this?"

  
That right there made Steve smile. "Funny you should ask..."

  
He took out of a clipboard seemingly out of nowhere and on it, was taped a picture.

 

...It was the psychiatrist and a long-haired man, arms wrapped tightly around the other.

 

Smiling, happy...

  
A couple in love as Michelle had ever seen one.

  
And Steve smiled as he began to recount his story...

  
"This right here is my husband, James, but everyone that comes across this brand-new graduated doctor like to call him Bucky..."


End file.
